Women, we've learned that being hyper-independent feels more “empowering“ & sexy, whereas neediness feels weak, powerless, helpless & unattractive.
Both extremes are imbalanced.
I found myself on both sides in the past.
In fact, my hyper-independence was a way of making up for my unmet needs.
I thought if I don’t ever need to rely on anyone for anything anymore, I could never be hurt again.
I‘d always got my own back, I could hold my own, I didn‘t need to get vulnerable anymore or risk being let down.
What I didn’t realize was that my independence caused me to close my heart for a loooong time.
I was neither receptive, nor approachable.
I became ⚔️ INTIMIDATING. ⚔️
At first, I took that as a huge compliment.
Because a shadow aspect of me wanted to be feared.
Being feared was better than being vulnerable.
It felt like this was the only way I‘d be respected, honored & not f*cked over.
When I did my shadow work around this years ago, I understood that:
1.) having needs is VALID, normal & our human nature.
2.) owning your needs is ESSENTIAL to have fulfilling relationships - otherwise we will always attract people who make us feel as though having needs is not okay.
3.) setting BOUNDARIES with said people is important for our well-being, and also 100% valid.
4.) learning to express your needs with skill & energetic balance, rather than being forceful, demanding & coming from an entitled energy is key to being received.
5.) it’s safe to open your heart, be vulnerable, & ask for support - in fact, THIS is what makes you APPROACHABLE to the right people.
6.) it‘s important to make peace with becoming a MAGNET as you release the hyper-independent persona. People will be both magnetized AND repulsed by you. This is exactly what you want.
7.) and lastly, having needs doesn‘t make you needy. With energetic refinement & practice, you can be both centered & an invitation to be fully met.
what are your thoughts? share with me in the comments below.